Today is another Faithful Fridays post. I confess it’s going to be a moment of raw honesty this week, so here it goes. I hope this makes sense...
I honestly didn't think I had anything to share this week until the Lord prompted me to share this.
"Are we missing the Lord's present provision by focusing on the past or future ahead?"
This week has been an emotional week with grief hitting hard once again. Missing two dear friends, who I know are safe in the Lord’s Presence, but since they’re leaving this earth, I have never been the same. If I am honest it’s been in some ways a desert season/ a dry season over the last year to almost two years. This grief rocked me like never dealt with before . I was writing things before either of these people were called Home to be with the Lord, and not twenty-four hours later , it would be like the Lord would say, “Now write..”
Y’all in the middle of the grief, that was the last thing I wanted to do. I came across a teaching of Elisabeth Elliot’s on the podcast that if I had a book in my hand I would have probably thrown it across the room. While I don’t remember the exact nature of her wording, she was telling a friend that in essence, that what if they had to go through that situation in order for the voice / the hurt/ the emotion to be stronger as you write than if you never experienced it at all.
Y’all I remember feeling very morbid asking for prayers early like 6-7 am after a friend passed, almost two years ago , because I had sensed the Lord tell me to write. I have struggled with grief every so often and begged God to please don’t waste the pain. Ironically, it comes 90 percent of the time, when I am writing hard stuff.
This week one of those waves of grief hit. Here I I was teaching Numbers Chapters 13-14 at church Wednesday.
These Israelites were constantly remembering their days of abundance, in their eyes as better. They were slaves in Egypt at the time, and to the people that was better than the wilderness. To get to the promised land they had to go through the Wilderness. Because of their disobedience they had to endure the wilderness longer.
Yahweh spoke to Moses, saying, 2 “Send men, that they may spy out the land of Canaan, which I give to the children of Israel. Of every tribe of their fathers, you shall send a man, every one a prince among them.”
3 Moses sent them from the wilderness of Paran according to the commandment of Yahweh. All of them were men who were heads of the children of Israel. 4 These were their names:
Of the tribe of Reuben, Shammua the son of Zaccur.
5 Of the tribe of Simeon, Shaphat the son of Hori.
6 Of the tribe of Judah, Caleb the son of Jephunneh.
7 Of the tribe of Issachar, Igal the son of Joseph.
8 Of the tribe of Ephraim, Hoshea the son of Nun.
9 Of the tribe of Benjamin, Palti the son of Raphu.
10 Of the tribe of Zebulun, Gaddiel the son of Sodi.
11 Of the tribe of Joseph, of the tribe of Manasseh, Gaddi the son of Susi.
12 Of the tribe of Dan, Ammiel the son of Gemalli.
13 Of the tribe of Asher, Sethur the son of Michael.
14 Of the tribe of Naphtali, Nahbi the son of Vophsi.
15 Of the tribe of Gad, Geuel the son of Machi.
16 These are the names of the men who Moses sent to spy out the land. Moses called Hoshea the son of Nun Joshua. 17 Moses sent them to spy out the land of Canaan, and said to them, “Go up this way by the South, and go up into the hill country. 18 See the land, what it is; and the people who dwell therein, whether they are strong or weak, whether they are few or many; 19 and what the land is that they dwell in, whether it is good or bad; and what cities they are that they dwell in, whether in camps, or in strongholds; 20 and what the land is, whether it is fertile or poor, whether there is wood therein, or not. Be courageous, and bring some of the fruit of the land.” Now the time was the time of the first-ripe grapes.
21 So they went up, and spied out the land from the wilderness of Zin to Rehob, to the entrance of Hamath. 22 They went up by the South, and came to Hebron; and Ahiman, Sheshai, and Talmai, the children of Anak, were there. (Now Hebron was built seven years before Zoan in Egypt.) 23 They came to the valley of Eshcol, and cut down from there a branch with one cluster of grapes, and they bore it on a staff between two. They also brought some of the pomegranates and figs. 24 That place was called the valley of Eshcol, because of the cluster which the children of Israel cut down from there. 25 They returned from spying out the land at the end of forty days. 26 They went and came to Moses, to Aaron, and to all the congregation of the children of Israel, to the wilderness of Paran, to Kadesh; and brought back word to them and to all the congregation. They showed them the fruit of the land. 27 They told him, and said, “We came to the land where you sent us. Surely it flows with milk and honey, and this is its fruit. 28 However, the people who dwell in the land are strong, and the cities are fortified and very large. Moreover, we saw the children of Anak there. 29 Amalek dwells in the land of the South. The Hittite, the Jebusite, and the Amorite dwell in the hill country. The Canaanite dwells by the sea, and along the side of the Jordan.”
30 Caleb stilled the people before Moses, and said, “Let’s go up at once, and possess it; for we are well able to overcome it!”
31 But the men who went up with him said, “We aren’t able to go up against the people; for they are stronger than we.” 32 They brought up an evil report of the land which they had spied out to the children of Israel, saying, “The land, through which we have gone to spy it out, is a land that eats up its inhabitants; and all the people who we saw in it are men of great stature. 33 There we saw the Nephilim,† the sons of Anak, who come from the Nephilim.‡ We were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight.”
1 All the congregation lifted up their voice, and cried; and the people wept that night. 2 All the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron. The whole congregation said to them, “We wish that we had died in the land of Egypt, or that we had died in this wilderness! 3 Why does Yahweh bring us to this land, to fall by the sword? Our wives and our little ones will be captured or killed! Wouldn’t it be better for us to return into Egypt?” 4 They said to one another, “Let’s choose a leader, and let’s return into Egypt.”
5 Then Moses and Aaron fell on their faces before all the assembly of the congregation of the children of Israel.
6 Joshua the son of Nun and Caleb the son of Jephunneh, who were of those who spied out the land, tore their clothes. 7 They spoke to all the congregation of the children of Israel, saying, “The land, which we passed through to spy it out, is an exceedingly good land. 8 If Yahweh delights in us, then he will bring us into this land, and give it to us: a land which flows with milk and honey. 9 Only don’t rebel against Yahweh, neither fear the people of the land; for they are bread for us. Their defense is removed from over them, and Yahweh is with us. Don’t fear them.”
10 But all the congregation threatened to stone them with stones.
Yahweh’s glory appeared in the Tent of Meeting to all the children of Israel. 11 Yahweh said to Moses, “How long will this people despise me? How long will they not believe in me, for all the signs which I have worked among them? 12 I will strike them with the pestilence, and disinherit them, and will make of you a nation greater and mightier than they.”
13 Moses said to Yahweh, “Then the Egyptians will hear it; for you brought up this people in your might from among them. 14 They will tell it to the inhabitants of this land. They have heard that you Yahweh are among this people; for you Yahweh are seen face to face, and your cloud stands over them, and you go before them, in a pillar of cloud by day, and in a pillar of fire by night. 15 Now if you killed this people as one man, then the nations which have heard the fame of you will speak, saying, 16 ‘Because Yahweh was not able to bring this people into the land which he swore to them, therefore he has slain them in the wilderness.’ 17 Now please let the power of the Lord† be great, according as you have spoken, saying, 18 ‘Yahweh is slow to anger, and abundant in loving kindness, forgiving iniquity and disobedience; and he will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and on the fourth generation.’ 19 Please pardon the iniquity of this people according to the greatness of your loving kindness, and just as you have forgiven this people, from Egypt even until now.”
20 Yahweh said, “I have pardoned according to your word; 21 but in very deed—as I live, and as all the earth shall be filled with Yahweh’s glory— 22 because all those men who have seen my glory and my signs, which I worked in Egypt and in the wilderness, yet have tempted me these ten times, and have not listened to my voice; 23 surely they shall not see the land which I swore to their fathers, neither shall any of those who despised me see it. 24 But my servant Caleb, because he had another spirit with him, and has followed me fully, him I will bring into the land into which he went. His offspring shall possess it. 25 Since the Amalekite and the Canaanite dwell in the valley, tomorrow turn and go into the wilderness by the way to the Red Sea.” 26 Yahweh spoke to Moses and to Aaron, saying, 27 “How long shall I bear with this evil congregation that complain against me? I have heard the complaints of the children of Israel, which they complain against me. 28 Tell them, ‘As I live, says Yahweh, surely as you have spoken in my ears, so I will do to you. 29 Your dead bodies shall fall in this wilderness; and all who were counted of you, according to your whole number, from twenty years old and upward, who have complained against me, 30 surely you shall not come into the land concerning which I swore that I would make you dwell therein, except Caleb the son of Jephunneh, and Joshua the son of Nun. 31 But I will bring in your little ones that you said should be captured or killed, and they shall know the land which you have rejected. 32 But as for you, your dead bodies shall fall in this wilderness. 33 Your children shall be wanderers in the wilderness forty years, and shall bear your prostitution, until your dead bodies are consumed in the wilderness. 34 After the number of the days in which you spied out the land, even forty days, for every day a year, you will bear your iniquities, even forty years, and you will know my alienation.’ 35 I, Yahweh, have spoken. I will surely do this to all this evil congregation who are gathered together against me. In this wilderness they shall be consumed, and there they shall die.”
36 The men whom Moses sent to spy out the land, who returned and made all the congregation to murmur against him by bringing up an evil report against the land, 37 even those men who brought up an evil report of the land, died by the plague before Yahweh. 38 But Joshua the son of Nun and Caleb the son of Jephunneh remained alive of those men who went to spy out the land.
39 Moses told these words to all the children of Israel, and the people mourned greatly. 40 They rose up early in the morning and went up to the top of the mountain, saying, “Behold, we are here, and will go up to the place which Yahweh has promised; for we have sinned.”
41 Moses said, “Why now do you disobey the commandment of Yahweh, since it shall not prosper? 42 Don’t go up, for Yahweh isn’t among you; that way you won’t be struck down before your enemies. 43 For there the Amalekite and the Canaanite are before you, and you will fall by the sword because you turned back from following Yahweh; therefore Yahweh will not be with you.”
44 But they presumed to go up to the top of the mountain. Nevertheless, the ark of Yahweh’s covenant and Moses didn’t depart out of the camp. 45 Then the Amalekites came down, and the Canaanites who lived in that mountain, and struck them and beat them down even to Hormah.
Even in that wilderness, we have God’s provision recorded, despite complaints and grumbling from the people.
Exodus Chapter 16
They took their journey from Elim, and all the congregation of the children of Israel came to the wilderness of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after their departing out of the land of Egypt. 2 The whole congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron in the wilderness; 3 and the children of Israel said to them, “We wish that we had died by Yahweh’s hand in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the meat pots, when we ate our fill of bread, for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.”
4 Then Yahweh said to Moses, “Behold, I will rain bread from the sky for you, and the people shall go out and gather a day’s portion every day, that I may test them, whether they will walk in my law or not. 5 It shall come to pass on the sixth day, that they shall prepare that which they bring in, and it shall be twice as much as they gather daily.”
6 Moses and Aaron said to all the children of Israel, “At evening, you shall know that Yahweh has brought you out from the land of Egypt. 7 In the morning, you shall see Yahweh’s glory; because he hears your murmurings against Yahweh. Who are we, that you murmur against us?” 8 Moses said, “Now Yahweh will give you meat to eat in the evening, and in the morning bread to satisfy you, because Yahweh hears your murmurings which you murmur against him. And who are we? Your murmurings are not against us, but against Yahweh.” 9 Moses said to Aaron, “Tell all the congregation of the children of Israel, ‘Come close to Yahweh, for he has heard your murmurings.’ ” 10 As Aaron spoke to the whole congregation of the children of Israel, they looked toward the wilderness, and behold, Yahweh’s glory appeared in the cloud. 11 Yahweh spoke to Moses, saying, 12 “I have heard the murmurings of the children of Israel. Speak to them, saying, ‘At evening you shall eat meat, and in the morning you shall be filled with bread. Then you will know that I am Yahweh your God.’ ”
13 In the evening, quail came up and covered the camp; and in the morning the dew lay around the camp. 14 When the dew that lay had gone, behold, on the surface of the wilderness was a small round thing, small as the frost on the ground. 15 When the children of Israel saw it, they said to one another, “What is it?” For they didn’t know what it was. Moses said to them, “It is the bread which Yahweh has given you to eat. 16 This is the thing which Yahweh has commanded: ‘Gather of it everyone according to his eating; an omer† a head, according to the number of your persons, you shall take it, every man for those who are in his tent.’ ” 17 The children of Israel did so, and some gathered more, some less. 18 When they measured it with an omer, he who gathered much had nothing over, and he who gathered little had no lack. They each gathered according to his eating. 19 Moses said to them, “Let no one leave of it until the morning.” 20 Notwithstanding they didn’t listen to Moses, but some of them left of it until the morning, so it bred worms and became foul; and Moses was angry with them. 21 They gathered it morning by morning, everyone according to his eating. When the sun grew hot, it melted. 22 On the sixth day, they gathered twice as much bread, two omers for each one; and all the rulers of the congregation came and told Moses. 23 He said to them, “This is that which Yahweh has spoken, ‘Tomorrow is a solemn rest, a holy Sabbath to Yahweh. Bake that which you want to bake, and boil that which you want to boil; and all that remains over lay up for yourselves to be kept until the morning.’ ” 24 They laid it up until the morning, as Moses ordered, and it didn’t become foul, and there were no worms in it. 25 Moses said, “Eat that today, for today is a Sabbath to Yahweh. Today you shall not find it in the field. 26 Six days you shall gather it, but on the seventh day is the Sabbath. In it there shall be none.” 27 On the seventh day, some of the people went out to gather, and they found none. 28 Yahweh said to Moses, “How long do you refuse to keep my commandments and my laws? 29 Behold, because Yahweh has given you the Sabbath, therefore he gives you on the sixth day the bread of two days. Everyone stay in his place. Let no one go out of his place on the seventh day.” 30 So the people rested on the seventh day.
31 The house of Israel called its name “Manna”,‡ and it was like coriander seed, white; and its taste was like wafers with honey. 32 Moses said, “This is the thing which Yahweh has commanded, ‘Let an omer-full of it be kept throughout your generations, that they may see the bread with which I fed you in the wilderness, when I brought you out of the land of Egypt.’ ” 33 Moses said to Aaron, “Take a pot, and put an omer-full of manna in it, and lay it up before Yahweh, to be kept throughout your generations.” 34 As Yahweh commanded Moses, so Aaron laid it up before the Testimony, to be kept. 35 The children of Israel ate the manna forty years, until they came to an inhabited land. They ate the manna until they came to the borders of the land of Canaan. 36 Now an omer is one tenth of an ephah.§
When I was reading this week, I found it interesting that the Israelites either focused on what was in the past or what was ahead in the future. They didn’t focus on the present.
Often times in thinking of my dear friends who are with the Lord, I miss those times of Fellowship, and long for when we are reunited.
Even in my relationship with the Lord, I often swing back and forth missing the closeness of the Lord’s Presence, in the past where it seemed tangible or I knew the Lord was present in dreams, to the other side of longing for the future when I see Him face to face and walk beside Him or hug Him.
The missing of friends and longing for reunion isn’t bad. Neither is longing for when Jesus restores and makes all things new a bad thing.
What present provision do we take for granted wishing for those days gone by? What are we missing looking forward to the future?
This may seem like a drier season in my Walk with the Lord, but as He comforted me, I was reminded of the blessings: another day where He took the time to speak comfort and peace to my soul. He never is obligated to do so. I heard His Voice speak to my heart. His Presence is evident even if it doesn’t seem as noticeable as in the past, or as visible as will be in a future time ahead. He is our Provider and Sustainer even though the length of the “wilderness seasons” we may experience. Truth is this season the Lord has really tested my trust in whether I will cling to what is written in His Word , no matter what I am feeling or facing.
Both the Israelites and Jesus had wilderness experiences because God allowed it. Jesus obeyed , the Israelites did not. Will we look for His Blessings and Provision in the present moment , not just rely on past events or future Hope to come?
* All Scripture from the World English Bible.