Sara’s Ponderings

*Warning: May be a hard read for some.

Sara stopped in the hallway , the picture of Emily and Brad caught her eye. She sighed.  Eight years old now, and another birthday without her father there.  Sara had to put on her brave face , for Emily’s sake.  Sara picked up another picture on the same table.

Her mind raced, “I am sorry Mr. and Mrs. Green, there is no easy way to say this.  The scans and biopsy confirm it’s brain cancer. 

“No!” Sara had slid down from the doctor office chair to her knees sobbing.  “Please God, No!”  Brad prayed a quick silent prayer as he put his hand on Sara’s shoulder.

“I am so sorry,” Dr. Davis repeated. He walked towards the door, “I will give you a few minutes to process this news, and then I’ll return to discuss Brad’s options.”

Twenty minutes later seemed like an hour. Sara watched the clock tick by zoning out often. What Dr. Davis was saying sounded like a jumbled mess. 

“Wait, Dr. Davis, before a decision is reached, may my wife and I have a couple days to discuss this.”

“Yes,” Dr. Davis solemnly responded, “But don’t take too long. You don’t know how many days you may have if you delay treatment.” Dr. Davis exited the room.  Sara grabbed her purse and the couple walked in silence to the lobby  and out the front door. What now? Brad’s dying! We’ve been trying to have children since we got married four years ago. Is our dream dead?  Will Brad be alive in a year? The silence only made Sara’s thoughts scream louder.  

Brad pulled into the local drive thru and ordered a family size chicken tender meal with mashed potatoes and rolls, knowing neither would be in the mood to cook.  Two days later, Brad had decided after praying to start chemotherapy.

Sara stood staring at the picture. Again her mind raced forward to the month after the devastating news. The glimmer of joy, “Brad, we are pregnant!” 

Brad embraced Sara, “Oh, honey!” He was beaming as tears of joy rolled down his cheeks.  “An answered prayer.”  Sara was ecstatic, until the “what if” thoughts were triggered as she lay her head down for the night. Brad was already snoring. Will I be left alone to raise this little one? Will Brad live long enough to meet our child? Sara sighed heavily, and  tossed and turned , until exhaustion overtook her. 

Ten weeks later, The Greens went to the first ultrasound appointment.  They beamed seeing their child on the screen. Nothing seemed amiss until the testing came back two days later .

The phone rang, “Hello, this is nurse Beck from Dr. Smith’s office. She would like for you to come in , in the morning to go over your results.”

The following  morning, Sara was biting her nails on the way to the appointment.  Even now eight years  later, Dr. Smith’s voice echoed in her ears, “There is a possibility your child has down syndrome …. If you wish to terminate…”

Terminate, that was something that never crossed her mind, until she remembered that soon and possibly very soon Sara would be raising their child on her own. That night Brad said something she never forgot, “Will we rob God?”

Sara was confused, “Huh.”

“Shall we rob God by not giving Him the opportunity to show His Power to those around us. If He chooses to perform a miracle, who are we to rob Him of that opportunity. If we terminate, that opportunity and testimony will be very different. Will we be led by His Spirit and not our own understanding. Will we allow Him to receive the glory due His Name?

Back at Sara’s eighteen week scan, “Mrs. Green, we were wrong.” 

“The baby doesn’t have Down syndrome?”

“No, there is still a possibility of that. But you aren’t carrying just one child. There is a twin with a much smaller placenta for this gestation. It could be a sign of Trisomy 18.”

The Greens were speechless.  “If you still want to get rid of the whole pregnancy, it’s still possible.”  

Sara’s mind was reeling, not only was there a possibility that Brad may not live, but one of the children may not make it to birth.  Brad told the doctor they would let her know something later and walked out of the office. 

They had been keeping friends and family even strangers updated on Brad’s cancer journey. As Sara scrolled through the comments of the news bomb that Brad shared , many comments said , “Prayers for your family.”

A couple comments , “Just get an abortion. This is irresponsible. Brad’s already sick, it’s too much.”

Followed by, “Just kill them, the world is too overpopulated anyway.”

Tears flowed , “Kill them,” the words repeated in her mind. She knew that’s not what the Lord had planned for her little ones.  It sounded as if the enemy , the devil , was using people to plant that seed of doubt and worry, enough where his desire to steal, kill, and destroy would be carried out.  Sara sobbed at the desktop computer and put her head on the desk. Brad walked in and put his hand on her back. She reached and embraced him in a hug, “What are we going to do?” 

“We are going to buy a good quality camera that takes both video and pictures and we are going to capture all the memories we can. Also, we will get a tripod so the whole family can be in them. God will take care of us, all of us.” 

Three weeks later, Brad had the best news given to him by Dr. Davis, “You are in remission.”   The couple rejoiced. 

Weeks later, the time came for the birth of the twins. Josiah Gabriel and Emily Grace were born. Just as the doctor had said Emily had Down syndrome, and Josiah had Trisomy 18. 

“You may hold your boy, but don’t expect him to remain alive long,” one nurse remarked. 

Joy mixed with grief, Brad silently prayed over his family.  In weeks that followed, The Green family , soaked up all the time together they could.   Sara’s hand brushed over the now eight year old picture, over Brad and Josiah’s faces. Two souls whom were on borrowed time. Truth is all live on limited time, just some are more aware of it.  Sara looked at the picture with her and Brad leaning toward the twins, who were both wide eyed in their bassinets. Their last picture as a family of four, for God called little Josiah home at two months old.  Most children in such conditions didn’t live more than a few hours to a couple weeks, if they survived till birth at all.  Their family had been blessed with two whole months to love on little Josiah Gabriel. 

“You can terminate, if you wish,” looking back those words made Sara cringe. She couldn’t imagine life without her baby boy, had they chosen to never meet him.  Brad had stayed in remission until after Emily Grace’s first birthday.  He fought cancer long and hard before God called him to His side.  Brad saw his happy little girl turn five years old, but three weeks later died in his sleep. 

Sara stood in the hallway as she heard Emily stirring from her sleep.  Sara wiped away the tears that had ran down her cheeks. 

“Happy birthday, my sweet Josiah. Today, you are five years old in the presence of the Lord and your earthly father is with you. Happy birthday, baby boy.” Sara kissed the picture frame, and replaced it back on the table, as Emily was turning her bedroom door knob. A sleepy little girl emerged in her pajamas. 

“Good morning, sweetie. Happy Birthday!”

Emily beamed as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. 

“What would you like to do today?”

“Go to the beach?”

“Sure. We can do that,” Sara said with a smile.  “How about an outing at your favorite restaurant at lunchtime?”

“Yes, “ Emily said excitedly as she clapped her hands.

“It’s settled then. Let’s go pick up some donuts for breakfast, then we will come back for our beach items.”

Emily was too excited to speak. Sara watched as Emily ran to the car.   “You can terminate if you want to.” Sara’s mind repeated. 

“No, I think I’ll be thankful for my little family and the time I have had with them instead…” Sara spoke out loud.  God had a purpose for both Sara and Emily even if she didn’t understand why life had taken the turns it had, over the years. God had led them this far. He wasn’t going to abandon them now. 

Scriptures that came to mind writing this story: 

Psalm 139:1-18

1 Yahweh, you have searched me, 

and you know me. 

2 You know my sitting down and my rising up. 

You perceive my thoughts from afar. 

3 You search out my path and my lying down, 

and are acquainted with all my ways. 

4 For there is not a word on my tongue, 

but behold, Yahweh, you know it altogether. 

5 You hem me in behind and before. 

You laid your hand on me. 

6 This knowledge is beyond me. 

It’s lofty. 

I can’t attain it. 

7 Where could I go from your Spirit? 

Or where could I flee from your presence? 

8 If I ascend up into heaven, you are there. 

If I make my bed in Sheol,† behold, you are there! 

9 If I take the wings of the dawn, 

and settle in the uttermost parts of the sea, 

10 even there your hand will lead me, 

and your right hand will hold me. 

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me. 

The light around me will be night,” 

12 even the darkness doesn’t hide from you, 

but the night shines as the day. 

The darkness is like light to you. 

13 For you formed my inmost being. 

You knit me together in my mother’s womb. 

14 I will give thanks to you, 

for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Your works are wonderful. 

My soul knows that very well. 

15 My frame wasn’t hidden from you, 

when I was made in secret, 

woven together in the depths of the earth. 

16 Your eyes saw my body. 

In your book they were all written, 

the days that were ordained for me, 

when as yet there were none of them. 

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God! 

How vast is their sum! 

18 If I would count them, they are more in number than the sand. 

When I wake up, I am still with you.

John 9:1-38

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth.  2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 

3 Jesus answered, “This man didn’t sin, nor did his parents, but that the works of God might be revealed in him. 4 I must work the works of him who sent me while it is day. The night is coming, when no one can work. 5 While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”  6 When he had said this, he spat on the ground, made mud with the saliva, anointed the blind man’s eyes with the mud,  7 and said to him, “Go, wash in the pool of Siloam”(which means “Sent”). So he went away, washed, and came back seeing. 

8 Therefore the neighbors and those who saw that he was blind before said, “Isn’t this he who sat and begged?”  9 Others were saying, “It is he.” Still others were saying, “He looks like him.” 

He said, “I am he.” 

10 They therefore were asking him, “How were your eyes opened?” 

11 He answered, “A man called Jesus made mud, anointed my eyes, and said to me, ‘Go to the pool of Siloam and wash.’ So I went away and washed, and I received sight.” 

12 Then they asked him, “Where is he?” 

He said, “I don’t know.” 

13 They brought him who had been blind to the Pharisees.  14 It was a Sabbath when Jesus made the mud and opened his eyes.  15 Again therefore the Pharisees also asked him how he received his sight. He said to them, “He put mud on my eyes, I washed, and I see.” 

16 Some therefore of the Pharisees said, “This man is not from God, because he doesn’t keep the Sabbath.” 

Others said, “How can a man who is a sinner do such signs?” So there was division among them. 

17 Therefore they asked the blind man again, “What do you say about him, because he opened your eyes?” 

He said, “He is a prophet.” 

18 The Jews therefore didn’t believe concerning him, that he had been blind and had received his sight, until they called the parents of him who had received his sight,  19 and asked them, “Is this your son, whom you say was born blind? How then does he now see?” 

20 His parents answered them, “We know that this is our son, and that he was born blind;  21 but how he now sees, we don’t know; or who opened his eyes, we don’t know. He is of age. Ask him. He will speak for himself.”  22 His parents said these things because they feared the Jews; for the Jews had already agreed that if any man would confess him as Christ, he would be put out of the synagogue. 23 Therefore his parents said, “He is of age. Ask him.” 

24 So they called the man who was blind a second time, and said to him, “Give glory to God. We know that this man is a sinner.” 

25 He therefore answered, “I don’t know if he is a sinner. One thing I do know: that though I was blind, now I see.” 

26 They said to him again, “What did he do to you? How did he open your eyes?” 

27 He answered them, “I told you already, and you didn’t listen. Why do you want to hear it again? You don’t also want to become his disciples, do you?” 

28 They insulted him and said, “You are his disciple, but we are disciples of Moses.  29 We know that God has spoken to Moses. But as for this man, we don’t know where he comes from.” 

30 The man answered them, “How amazing! You don’t know where he comes from, yet he opened my eyes. 31 We know that God doesn’t listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, he listens to him.*  32 Since the world began it has never been heard of that anyone opened the eyes of someone born blind.  33 If this man were not from God, he could do nothing.” 

34 They answered him, “You were altogether born in sins, and do you teach us?” Then they threw him out. 

35 Jesus heard that they had thrown him out, and finding him, he said, “Do you believe in the Son of God?”

36 He answered, “Who is he, Lord, that I may believe in him?” 

37 Jesus said to him, “You have both seen him, and it is he who speaks with you.”

38 He said, “Lord, I believe!” and he worshiped him.

Colossians 3:17

17 Whatever you do, in word or in deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

2 Cornithians 1:3-7

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,  4 who comforts us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, through the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  5 For as the sufferings of Christ abound to us, even so our comfort also abounds through Christ.  6 But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation. If we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer.  7 Our hope for you is steadfast, knowing that, since you are partakers of the sufferings, so you are also of the comfort.

Although this story of “Sara’s Adventures” is completely fictional. We never know how the future for ourselves or anyone else we love will turn out. No one but God can lead us to the right decisions in serious life situations. Not every doctor can predict the outcome or future. I, myself Brandi Williams who writes this have family that was told after I was born at 29 weeks would been just in a vegetative state my whole life, due to brain damage I sustained during the car accident my parents had. The doctors said I would never walk or talk. That was 34 years ago.

God performs miracles, but His Ways are not always the ways we plan or expect. He may not answer prayers as we desire. But God has a plan, for every soul He creates, but mankind has a free will. Not every person chooses to obey God’s Way that leads to life. Sin brought death and sickness into God’s once perfect world. One day, because of Jesus’ sacrifice by His death on the cross, His sinless blood shed, and His Resurrection from the dead, sin and death will have an end. God will redeem His People who ask Him to be Lord, and they will dwell with Him for eternity on the New Heavens and Earth.

*To those who have had to experience the pain of choosing life for a child or abortion for various reasons, I know this may not be easy to read . Maybe you wonder if God will ever forgive you for doing such to the child He blessed with you with. The child He had a purpose for. 

God forgives the one who truly realizes the sin that has been committed. Such is not the unforgivable sin. God forgives all sin when we accept Jesus as Lord and Savior. The Lord leads His people when we seek to obey  Him in the decisions we make.  He still may use your testimony to help others who are faced with the same situations.  You aren’t doomed to Hell unless you reject Jesus as Lord and Savior. 

God longs that no soul perishes in their sin , but rather choose life with Him eternally. God loves you and anyone else in your life, even the child who stepped into eternity before you. 

I will leave you with these verses: 

1 John 1:5-10

5 This is the message which we have heard from him and announce to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.  6 If we say that we have fellowship with him and walk in the darkness, we lie and don’t tell the truth.  7 But if we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son, cleanses us from all sin. 8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.  9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  10 If we say that we haven’t sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 

Romans 8:1

1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who don’t walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.

*All Scripture is from the World English Bible.